[Caution! Long, rambly entry! But plz read it anyway?]

This year has been a year full of challenges that would’ve made me or broke me in previous years. It’s such a testimony to God’s goodness and faithfulness in sanctifying me in just the short four years that I’ve been saved for.

As Thanksgiving is comin’ around the corner, LBC had its annual Thanksgiving dinner. The food was wonderful and the company was better, but the best part of it all was the sharing time. Now, I’m usually not very good at sitting through these because I have the tendency to be very inward and not care if it isn’t related to me somehow (and I’ve completely aware of the fact that it’s a lack of love for people… workin’ on it). But tonight was just so sweet. I’m not even trying to muster up the feeling that it was encouraging… it really was. I couldn’t help but to smile with every single person who shared.

So here’s a list of things that I’ve thankful for. Post your own. I demand it. Haha.

Moon Choi is thankful for…

1. Salvation. I had the privilege of leading the new visitor’s orientation today (it was kinda weird) but as I got to the back of the pamphlet and began to share the gospel, it felt so sweet as I was able to share it with someone. Every time I share the gospel, I can’t help but think, “Moon, is this something that you really believe with all your heart?” and as I think, “Yes, this is the only thing I have hope in,” I feel joy seriously rising in my chest and I can’t help but be floored by the thought that God made him who knew no sin to be sin on my behalf… that he would crush his own son, just so that he can credit belief as righteousness. The gospel only gets sweeter and sweeter as I get older.
2. Lighthouse. I’m not gonna lie… didn’t really dig LBC when I first got there. Haha. I only stuck around ’cause I began to realize that it had the kind of teaching that I was hungering for my whole life and because I was too lazy to church hop. Haha. But praise God! I got saved and baptized at LBC. Met my closest friends there and met ladies who are, in a sense, my spiritual mothers. I see so much joy and love in the church and it challenges me to strive toward loving others all the more.
3. My roommates. I shared this at the Thanksgiving dinner today, but I think that my mind was all over the place when I was sharing. Haha. I love my apartment. It’s warm, no cold air leaks in from the outside, and apart from the pest problem that we’re having in the kitchen, it’s clean and cozy. I love my apartmentmates even more. We could still be living at 2107 at janky La Regencia and it wouldn’t matter. Living with Grace, Wury, and Jen has been an absolute privilege. We all have very different personalities (though Grace and Wury tend to be more expressive while Jen and I are more reserved), it doesn’t matter because our common foundation is in Christ and we’re all running in the same race, toward the same goal. I’m so thankful to be able to come home to an empty apartment and feel lonely (because it means that I miss my roommates…).
4. Trials. Ok, so who wants life to be easy? I sure do. But no growth comes from that. I’m thankful that the Lord tests us and puts us through trials that stretch us, challenge our faith, and make us all the more desperate for him. To be able to say through tears, “It is well with my soul”– only with the full assurance of salvation and hope that one has in Christ can that happen.
5. Bible. This has been an anchor for me since I got saved… I’ve found so much refuge, so much comfort in God’s Word. I’m thankful that it reminds me of who God is and that he is greatly to be praised– regardless of my circumstances! It’s a double-edged sword, but it’s also a love letter from our Abba.
6. Family. God has blessed me with a very loving, understanding family. My parents aren’t your stereotypical Korean parents. My dad was a philosophy major in college. What the heck, right? And he even told me not to go to med school. As puzzling as it is, my parents have always loved me, even as a brooding adolescent, and have put up with  me when I got really emotional over nothing. They continue to provide for me in every way possible, even if it takes a toll on them. Plus, they’re funny. Hahaha.
7. Writing. Or, I should say, language. The ability to communicate thoughts and emotions… it’s amazing. A big reason why I wanted to learn Japanese was so that I could write stories in Japanese. Each language has its own beauty and it’s amazing that God created it to be that way. When I was in high school and, pretty much, had no close friends, my diary was always there. It’s a very poor substitute, I understand, but at a time when no one else was there for me, words and creativity were always there. I love words like I love people, almost.
8. Education. I’m thankful that I’m able to major in microbiology and minor in literature/writing. It’s such a privilege to attend UCSD and to receive an awesome education. And what a wonderful place to meet new people, Christian and non-Christian alike! I’m thankful that God gave me the opportunity to be on such a campus and to receive an education, and that I live in a country where it’s so readily accessible.

Okiedoke. It’s nearing midnight and I have a deadline to meet. But hope that Thanksgiving has been filled with much joy, family, food, and thankfulness! Bye byeeee.

You know when you have those moments when you’re just sitting back and taking a breather and you feel just so content with the moment? Regardless of anxieties, regardless of issues, regardless of circumstances. Just contentment.

I’ve been having a lot of those moments recently. Because I’m learning more and more that God is God and I’m not, and that He loves me very much, even when He doesn’t have to.

It’s a good feeling.

That explains why I’m still up at 3:33 AM.

In a lot of ways, today’s been a tough day. Externally, it was actually a pretty good, productive day. But my mind is raging and after the sweet peace that prayer brings, there’s still all this excessive writing energy that’s left and I’m using the last of it for the night on here.

I’ve been meaning to update this thing for a while now but whenever I get to it, I forget what I wanted to write.

It’s amazing to still feel God’s love and mercy, to know that He chose me before the world was formed and that I am His for all eternity. So from point A (not that there was a finite point when He chose me… so let’s say that point A is just an arbitrary moment in eternity past) to point B (which extends through eternity future), God decided that I was His. So that makes all this time in between that much more secure. Get my drift?

There are times when I still do waiver. I get all these crazy questions in my head or there are certain things that severely discourage me and after despairing, do I realize the steadfastness of my God.

And that this God had already won me over, that He had already resolved to say to me that I am His, don’t worry about it, He’ll pay for it all.

And that this God is mine as well.

How sweet the gospel is.

When I think about Heaven, I get that feeling that you get the night before you moved into your dorm to start college. Know what I mean? That excited, “I can’t wait to get there!” kinda feeling.

I was listening to Enfield while working out a little while back (I usually listen to really upbeat Japanese music when I’m at the gym so this was unusual) and in “Finally Home,” there’s a portion that goes, “When shall I see my Father’s face and in His safe hands rest?”

And it made me think… once we’re in Heaven, that’s it. There’s no more earthly ministry left for us anymore.

I think about Heaven a lot during finals week (haha anyone else with me on this?) ’cause I just want to be done with this world and have perfect fellowship with the saints of all history and to finally walk by sight and not by faith.

It makes me think of Acts 20:24 (hi Tia ) and reminds me of how Paul struggle seen in Philippians 1:22-23, wanting to labor for ministry but still, being “hard-pressed between” that and his “desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.”

Granted, for me, it’s not the same kind of v. 24 “Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you,” in my situation but at the same time, I can see where that struggle comes from.

Haha I meant for this to be a really short entry about that feeling I get when I think about Heaven but it ballooned out into something bigger. >_>;; Which isn’t a surprise, I hope.

Ok. It’s late. I have a weird sleeping schedule at home. =_= Need to fix it before summer session starts. (I can hear my dad snoring downstairs. And my door’s closed. Dang.)

Seeing people genuinely seeking out God and seeing people get saved after knowing them for a few years… it’s a joy inexplicable.

My childhood friend, Leeann, came down to San Diego week 1 since she was on spring break. She’s a dear friend whom I’ve been having a burden for ever since I got saved my freshman year. I’ve talked about the gospel with her on a few occasions and have prayed with her. The suspicion in my heart was that she wasn’t saved– in a lot of ways, it was very apparent but since she didn’t outright say that she wasn’t Christian, I wanted to be cautious.

She stayed with me for three days and two nights. One of those nights was a Friday, on which I took her out to College Life. I’ve always raved about Lighthouse and how I got saved there. I’ve shared with my testimony with her on multiple occasions and emphasized the part that I had thought that I was Christian all along until I got saved.

On Thursday night, her first night over at my place, we started to talk about her younger cousin, Aaron. I saw his facebook page one day and was very encouraged– it said something along the lines of, “Play football and do track for God’s glory. I want to evangelize to everyone.” I knew this kid growing up and let’s just say… he wasn’t the model child. Hahah. Leeann told me other details about him but said that he started to change in the last few months. He stopped doing all these bad things and his grades started to get better. She said that it was incredible, that he would change so drastically. So I talked about 2 Corinthians 5:17 with her on Thursday night and wanted to ask her if she saw change in her life. However, I decided to put it off until the next day after she heard Patrick preach and met people from Lighthouse.

On Friday, we got to Bible study and Patrick preached on the apostle Thomas (yes, we’re almost done with the survey of the Apostles!). It was a really good sermon that debunked the notion that Thomas was the only doubting disciple and that all the other disciples were faithful. Thomas just wanted to be near Christ, no matter where He was. It was very challenging for me and hoped that it was something that would make Leeann think too.

Afterward, we went to Cotixan’s and grabbed food. I kind of ditched Leeann and just went around and talked to people. And before y’all say anything, keep in mind that Leeann and I are childhood friends. We’ve known each other since I was in second grade (and she was in first grade). I knew that she would be ok with it. Plus, it would enable her to meet people instead of just having her talk to me.

We came home that evening and we just began to talk. We talked about who she met and blah blah blah (don’t quite remember the details as well anymore haha)… she went off to go wash up and I resolved in my heart that I would start to ask her the question when she came back.

She came back out and we began to talk again and as we did, I said, “Hey Leeann, I know that I’m stepping on your toes when I say this but… do you think you’re Christian?” She looked at me, then with a half smile, shook her head. As we talked, she revealed to me that she had been expecting me to give her a talk for a few years now and had thought that I’d lay it down on Thursday night when I was talking about her cousin. Dude, did this make me feel bad! I told her that I’d been waiting for her to ask me about my faith! She apologized to me, saying, “I’m sooo sorry unnie. I should’ve asked you!” but I promptly told her, “No, Leeann… it’s not your fault. I should’ve talked to you. I’ve been commanded by God to do it.”

So we talked. I shared my testimony in detail and gave the longest gospel presentation that I’ve ever given. It was late at night and I had wanted to go to Saturday morning prayer but it didn’t matter– here was my precious friend’s soul, hungering to know more.

She told me as we talked that had I shared with her on Thursday night, she would’ve just acknowledged, “Oh yeah, that’s nice. Jesus died for my sins, God loves me, I’m a sinner. Yeah.” But after meeting people from Lighthouse, she said that she could see the genuine love and kindness that they had toward her even though they’ve never met her before. To that, she commented, “I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life.” It made her more attentive to the gospel because the people she met were obviously affected by it. The kind of interactions that she had was not of this world and she was shocked and pleasantly surprised by it.

I can’t say that she’s accepted the gospel yet. But she’s definitely seeking. She knows the gospel in its entirety now and knows how to get saved. She just has to churn through these thoughts.

On Saturday, as she was getting ready to fly back to the Bay Area, I swept my bookshelf and pulled out some books (e.g. Today’s Gospel, The Cross Centered Life, Don’t Waste Your Life) and gave ‘em to her. They’re small books, easy to read, but they were books that were so crucial for me after I got saved.

This huge, long entry, all to say that the Christian testimony is sometimes so much more important than we give thought to. The world is watching. And the world will be perplexed and puzzled over how such imperfect people can come together, regardless of social skills, race, or whatever, and enjoy true fellowship with each other.

I’m so thankful for the people who talked to Leeann and made her feel really welcome. She said that if there were a Lighthouse in Nor Cal, she would go (TEEHEHEHEE CHURCH PLANT!) because this is what she had been hungering for!

I hope that you’re just as encouraged as I was by all this. Haha sorry that the entry was really long-winded and disorganized… but even all this to God’s glory!

Meinolf’s preaching has been life-changing. I had some time to reflect on it last week and after hearing him preach, I felt as though I had to change a lot of the ways that I view certain things and had to learn to let other things go.

The theme of his entire ministry in the Czech Republic, from what I could gather, was trust. Or “twust,” as he said with his German accent. (Grace and I giggled every time he said it– it was so precious!) Trust that God would pull them through, even though they didn’t know any Czech (one of the hardest languages to learn in the world!), even though they had been Christian for only 6 years (it seemed like an “only” thing to me!), had children… they still trusted that the Lord would see them through. And He has.

I don’t know if it’s the sermons or the precious way that Meinolf said “trust,” but I kept on thinking of that word for this entire week. For those who don’t know, I have to stay in San Diego for an extra year because I didn’t plan ahead very well and missed medical microbiology, a class that is offered only once a year and a class that I absolutely need for my major. When I first found this out, my stomach turned into knots and I thought of all the possible options that I had. I could change my major to general bio or something but then I thought about it and realized that I wanted a degree in microbiology. I could wait for it to come around again. Or I could try to get into the class (during week 3? 4? whenever it was… haha it wasn’t probable). In the end, I calmed down and thought about how staying in San Diego for an extra year could be a benefit. It would give me time to TA for some classes. It would allow me to get a lab job. It would allow me to do multiple 199s (if the lab job thing doesn’t work out). And I would finally be able to serve in nursery. (When it comes to ministry with children, I don’t want to get involved unless if I know that I can commit for at least a couple of years.)

God was giving me a clear “no” to my question of whether I should move back home or stay in San Diego after graduation. Well, He delayed graduation for me. Hahaha.

But then with the whole LBCSJ church plant dealio going on, it kind of threw a wrench into the system ’cause I want so much to be a part of that but I didn’t know if it was what God was calling me to. If I do decide to be a part of the church plant, then I would have to look for grad school in the Bay Area (if I go to grad school?). And if I do go to grad school, would I be pursuing a Ph.D.? If so, then what university? With my grades, I knew that I couldn’t get into the prestigious universities that are in the Bay. But if I stay in San Diego, I could possibly work at lab by networking through some professors that I am starting to get to know…

Career-wise, it might be a better idea for me to stay in San Diego. But I want to be a part of the church plant (and I want to be home with the family). If God does call me to go back home, then, I realized, I will just have to trust that He will provide. He may not be calling me to pursue a Ph.D. or to even go to grad school at all. Trust. Trust that He knows what’s best and that I don’t have to try to wrest control away from Him and go into panic mode, gripping the steering wheel and screaming, “God, where do I go now?! God? Hello?! Tell me where I’m supposed to go!”

And if I do stay in San Diego, I can’t even guarantee that I’ll be able to get into UCSD for grad school. Seriously, when I say how shabby my grades are, I’m not being modest. I just am bad at this whole school thing. I enjoy learning and all that stuff but test taking is always fail for me (not that I fail my exams, per se).

Even with finals rolling around, my two science classes having finals on Tuesday, one right after the other, it’s easy to get into panic mode and to wonder to myself, “This week is so busy already– how am I going to find time to study?” Trust. Trust that God will give me the strength, that He will supply all that I need.

Trust.

I miss a lot of things about Tokyo. I miss the JR trains that I took everyday, the onigiri that I bought at the convenience stores (okaka and tuna mayo ftw), being able to get around perfectly fine without a car…

But one of the biggest things that I miss about Tokyo is Tokyo Musashino Evangelical Free Church. Everyone there was just so geniunely nice, caring, loving, and welcoming. The preaching was solid and it was a church that (from what I could tell) was like-minded. If anyone studies abroad in Tokyo, I will point them to this church! Haha.

What surprised me my first Sunday there (a pleasant surprise) was when they had a time of prayer. People share prayer requests and praise reports and it’s a sweet time of sharing each others’ burdens and rejoicing with others. It was also kind of a quick way to get to know people because they weren’t just all these people I didn’t know but these real people with real problems. Haha get what I mean?

I really came to cherish those times at TMEFC. It made me wish that LBC would do something similar because I had never experienced corporate prayer on a weekly basis like that.

Well. This morning, some of us went to church at 10 o’clock to pray for JR & Kathy. It was a sweet time of prayer, being able to lift up a beloved brother and sister in their time of need and suffering and seeing how there were people willing to come along side them and to help in what way they could was such an encouragement. Pastor John then announced that he wanted to do corporate prayer on a weekly basis, Saturdays at 7-8 AM. It made me think of TMEFC and made my heart very happy.

Ok, that’s all. Hahaha. I don’t know how to end this entry. But I am very tired, I smell like disinfectant (from cleaning ministry) and I haven’t showered yet. Good night!

I’ve been a part of NVT (New Visitors Team) ever since my last few weeks as a freshman. I joined only because I wanted to serve in a ministry after being a member for a couple of months and Grace Mao asked if I were interested. I don’t think that I was interested in the actual ministry as much as wanting to actually serve in the church. I was excited about greeting at the door and getting to meet all the people that I didn’t know. I joined without knowing too much the weight and responsibility that comes with being on NVT.

One of the most difficult parts of NVT was being friendly but not candy-coated, nice but not fake, caring but not nosy. It was difficult to care about people that I met for the first time and for people who were visiting the church, possibily looking for a place to call their home church. Over time, I eventually learned how to talk to people for the first time and how to make someone feel welcome. I became acutely aware of new visitors and made it a habit to hunt them down after service to talk to them. And if a new visitor were sitting all by him/herself? Unacceptable. I would go up to them and talk to them, then introduce them to a friend of mine and let them strike up a conversation while I went about cleaning up name tags and the NVT box (hahaha remember this?).

But in my time while serving on NVT, I came to notice the people who were regular attenders or even members, sitting by themselves after the service. These were the people who were shy, the people who didn’t know how to make small talk and were awkward. They were people who were really hard to talk to and made other people feel uncomfortable or awkward. And since these people weren’t new, they were being ignored. They faded well into the plain off-white wall and in a sense, became invisible.

It made me wonder why everyone was so busy talking to their friends but not reaching out to those who were a part of the body. It made me wonder how we could say that we were a church that loved God and people if there were people even within the church who were being ignored. It made me wonder why I didn’t reach out to these people even though I saw them as I walked hurriedly past them in wobbly heels and with the black NVT box, feeling too busy to talk to them.

I realized that perhaps everyone felt that way too. Too busy doing this, too busy talking to someone about something important– granted, these are all legitimate reasons but in the end, it was a huge rebuke to me. I was always so busy bustling around after service ended to clean things up quickly (so that E wouldn’t lock the door before I could get stuff into his “office”!) at the expense of extending love and concern to someone who could be lonely, who could be hurting.

One Sunday, after being completely aware of my deliberate ignoring of these kinds of people and feeling convicted to extend love to them, I put the NVT box down and began talking to them.

NVT has taught me a lot of things but if anything, it’s taught me to love the body. NVT is this strange meeting point between outreach and inreach and though it really does deal with new visitors to the church, it’s taught me about the members of the church. God has taught me to have a keener eye for the lonely.

This is something that I’ve been thinking about lately, especially with this year’s theme at Lighthouse, “For the Love of Christ.” In the end, I realized how much I love only when its convenient and only when my investing love results in being loved back. It’s really interesting how God’s been teaching me these things ever since I was a freshman and the lesson, which began with hints here and there, has finally gotten to a high, yelling volume, a lesson that I am learning weekly, to love as Christ loved us, to love with a reckless love, expecting nothing in return.

It’s definitely difficult, especially with people who are awkward or whom I don’t “click” with. But I can conclude that, bearing in mind the love of Christ, it’s a happy kind of difficult.

Is “hub bub” one word or two?

Anyway, ever since the members’ meeting this Sunday, everyone’s been updating their wordpresses, bloggers, xangas, what have yous, about the fact that LBC San Diego is planning to plant a church in San Jose! I actually heard about this from Tia over the break and was really excited for the announcement. When Pastor John mentioned during his sermon on Sunday morning that the members’ meeting could be potentially life changing, I immediately knew what it was about. (Grace Mao knew about it too so I’m sure that there had been some hub bub on the dl!)

It was crazy seeing the enthusiasm that everyone had when the news was finally officially announced. It was also crazy when Pastor John said that he and his family would personally go up to start the church plant.

Gotta start praying about it, whether or not I want to take part in this! A part of me is hesitant because I wonder if I can be super commited but the other part is yelling, “Why not? Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?”

We’ll see! It’s awesome how God’s keeping me in San Diego for another year to wait for medicial microbiology (it got moved to winter quarter when it had been offered in spring quarter years before -_-). Kind of on a tangent, but because of the wait, I can easily complete my lit/writing minor and pick up another minor which I think I’m going to do in Japanese studies! Or if that doesn’t go through, then I may consider taking classes to perhaps get a Masters degree in writing… hahaha we’ll see. 8D

But yes. I had been planning to move back home after I finish my schooling in San Diego, especially because of the economic crisis and the fact that my parents fully support me finacially (it’s only been until recently that I’ve been receiving financial aid… about time -_-;; ). And also ’cause my mom misses me a lot and has been hinting for the past couple of years that I should come back home.

Anyway, that’s that! Just thought that I’d throw that out there! I have a midterm tomorrow so I need to go back to studying for that. Bye.