Meinolf’s preaching has been life-changing. I had some time to reflect on it last week and after hearing him preach, I felt as though I had to change a lot of the ways that I view certain things and had to learn to let other things go.
The theme of his entire ministry in the Czech Republic, from what I could gather, was trust. Or “twust,” as he said with his German accent. 
(Grace and I giggled every time he said it– it was so precious!) Trust that God would pull them through, even though they didn’t know any Czech (one of the hardest languages to learn in the world!), even though they had been Christian for only 6 years (it seemed like an “only” thing to me!), had children… they still trusted that the Lord would see them through. And He has.
I don’t know if it’s the sermons or the precious way that Meinolf said “trust,” but I kept on thinking of that word for this entire week. For those who don’t know, I have to stay in San Diego for an extra year because I didn’t plan ahead very well and missed medical microbiology, a class that is offered only once a year and a class that I absolutely need for my major. When I first found this out, my stomach turned into knots and I thought of all the possible options that I had. I could change my major to general bio or something but then I thought about it and realized that I wanted a degree in microbiology. I could wait for it to come around again. Or I could try to get into the class (during week 3? 4? whenever it was… haha it wasn’t probable). In the end, I calmed down and thought about how staying in San Diego for an extra year could be a benefit. It would give me time to TA for some classes. It would allow me to get a lab job. It would allow me to do multiple 199s (if the lab job thing doesn’t work out). And I would finally be able to serve in nursery. (When it comes to ministry with children, I don’t want to get involved unless if I know that I can commit for at least a couple of years.)
God was giving me a clear “no” to my question of whether I should move back home or stay in San Diego after graduation. Well, He delayed graduation for me. Hahaha.
But then with the whole LBCSJ church plant dealio going on, it kind of threw a wrench into the system ’cause I want so much to be a part of that but I didn’t know if it was what God was calling me to. If I do decide to be a part of the church plant, then I would have to look for grad school in the Bay Area (if I go to grad school?). And if I do go to grad school, would I be pursuing a Ph.D.? If so, then what university? With my grades, I knew that I couldn’t get into the prestigious universities that are in the Bay. But if I stay in San Diego, I could possibly work at lab by networking through some professors that I am starting to get to know…
Career-wise, it might be a better idea for me to stay in San Diego. But I want to be a part of the church plant (and I want to be home with the family). If God does call me to go back home, then, I realized, I will just have to trust that He will provide. He may not be calling me to pursue a Ph.D. or to even go to grad school at all. Trust. Trust that He knows what’s best and that I don’t have to try to wrest control away from Him and go into panic mode, gripping the steering wheel and screaming, “God, where do I go now?! God? Hello?! Tell me where I’m supposed to go!”
And if I do stay in San Diego, I can’t even guarantee that I’ll be able to get into UCSD for grad school. Seriously, when I say how shabby my grades are, I’m not being modest. I just am bad at this whole school thing. I enjoy learning and all that stuff but test taking is always fail for me (not that I fail my exams, per se).
Even with finals rolling around, my two science classes having finals on Tuesday, one right after the other, it’s easy to get into panic mode and to wonder to myself, “This week is so busy already– how am I going to find time to study?” Trust. Trust that God will give me the strength, that He will supply all that I need.
Trust.
