Most posts about the new year and resolutions and stuff are posted either on December 31 or January 1. I don’t like riding bandwagons ’cause they tend to be crowded and everyone on it assumes a strange, scary kind of anonymity. (I’ve always liked being different– my favorite color as a 5 year old was brown ’cause I wanted to be unique. But I digress.)
As a result, I always avoid cliche posts such as, well, reflecting on the old year and setting resolutions for the new. Unless if it’s in my journal. But that’s an entirely different kind of dealio.
But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like I’ve been so… opaque. I haven’t been updating this thing because I haven’t been wanting to be transparent. My pride didn’t let me. But with every day that went by, the more I realized, once again, how silly of a thing pride is.
And so here’s a post. Reflections on 2008.
2008 has been one of the more difficult years in my life. It started off really roughly with a number of things that happened but it did end on a sweet note. I could go on and on about the different events that happened. But I won’t. What I’m more interested in talking about is how those events have been used by God to teach me things.
All in all, 2008 has been a year of distractions. I’ve been distracted in so many ways than I thought was possible. But in the end, the most dire distrction was that of being distracted from was the Cross. There have been many times of doubt and just a lot of difficulty in keeping my life Christ-centered. There were so many circumstances that contributed to it and I’ve come so close to calling it quits. Why put up with religion when it hurts so much to think about it? When it points to just how short I fall? Why put up with it when it just frustrates me and brings me to tears? Why put up with it when thinking about it really feels like it’s driving me to insanity?
But God has been, and still is, so good. In those times, He always reminded me of what I have already been saved from. He reminded me of when I first tasted His precious grace and the transformation that happened in my life afterward. So many times, God has reminded me of basic, elementary truths that I had been drowning out with my own panicked voice.
Even now, it’s difficult. I took a beating in 2008 and you know what? Most of the time, it doesn’t even feel like I put up a good fight. I kept on blaming it on circumstances, knowing full well how it’s not the circumstances that should dictate the joy that I feel but the single truth that God, out of His own will, love, and grace, sent His Son into this world of sin, having Him condescend into the likeness of men, so that He could die upon a tree so that many would be saved. This should’ve been what kept me going. But, as hard as it is to admit, it often wasn’t.
It’s scary how I look back and see just how much I love this world and how tight of a grasp I have on the things of it. The things that I thought that I’d let go are still in my hands.
It’s not to say that 2008 didn’t have its blessing. It was through all of these difficult times that I had always been reminded in my times of despair that it’s already been paid for. Jesus’ death was sufficient and always will be. There was no reason for this nagging guilt. Over and over again, God has shown me that I will fall short but that I had already heard and received the Good News. This was the only thing to have hope in. And so, I clung to it, knowing that it was truth.
Looking purely at my circumstances, 2008 hasn’t been the best year of my life. But at the same time, it’s been such a blessed year. God began to teach me things that I know I will continue learning for the rest of my life.
So, 2009, here’s to a year that will certainly be filled with more blessings!
i miss you