Thinkin’ about Heaven

When I think about Heaven, I get that feeling that you get the night before you moved into your dorm to start college. Know what I mean? That excited, “I can’t wait to get there!” kinda feeling.

I was listening to Enfield while working out a little while back (I usually listen to really upbeat Japanese music when I’m at the gym so this was unusual) and in “Finally Home,” there’s a portion that goes, “When shall I see my Father’s face and in His safe hands rest?”

And it made me think… once we’re in Heaven, that’s it. There’s no more earthly ministry left for us anymore.

I think about Heaven a lot during finals week (haha anyone else with me on this?) ’cause I just want to be done with this world and have perfect fellowship with the saints of all history and to finally walk by sight and not by faith.

It makes me think of Acts 20:24 (hi Tia ) and reminds me of how Paul struggle seen in Philippians 1:22-23, wanting to labor for ministry but still, being “hard-pressed between” that and his “desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.”

Granted, for me, it’s not the same kind of v. 24 “Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you,” in my situation but at the same time, I can see where that struggle comes from.

Haha I meant for this to be a really short entry about that feeling I get when I think about Heaven but it ballooned out into something bigger. >_>;; Which isn’t a surprise, I hope.

Ok. It’s late. I have a weird sleeping schedule at home. =_= Need to fix it before summer session starts. (I can hear my dad snoring downstairs. And my door’s closed. Dang.)

Hallelujah, what a Savior!

Seeing people genuinely seeking out God and seeing people get saved after knowing them for a few years… it’s a joy inexplicable.

The importance of Christian testimony– from a personal perspective

My childhood friend, Leeann, came down to San Diego week 1 since she was on spring break. She’s a dear friend whom I’ve been having a burden for ever since I got saved my freshman year. I’ve talked about the gospel with her on a few occasions and have prayed with her. The suspicion in my heart was that she wasn’t saved– in a lot of ways, it was very apparent but since she didn’t outright say that she wasn’t Christian, I wanted to be cautious.

She stayed with me for three days and two nights. One of those nights was a Friday, on which I took her out to College Life. I’ve always raved about Lighthouse and how I got saved there. I’ve shared with my testimony with her on multiple occasions and emphasized the part that I had thought that I was Christian all along until I got saved.

On Thursday night, her first night over at my place, we started to talk about her younger cousin, Aaron. I saw his facebook page one day and was very encouraged– it said something along the lines of, “Play football and do track for God’s glory. I want to evangelize to everyone.” I knew this kid growing up and let’s just say… he wasn’t the model child. Hahah. Leeann told me other details about him but said that he started to change in the last few months. He stopped doing all these bad things and his grades started to get better. She said that it was incredible, that he would change so drastically. So I talked about 2 Corinthians 5:17 with her on Thursday night and wanted to ask her if she saw change in her life. However, I decided to put it off until the next day after she heard Patrick preach and met people from Lighthouse.

On Friday, we got to Bible study and Patrick preached on the apostle Thomas (yes, we’re almost done with the survey of the Apostles!). It was a really good sermon that debunked the notion that Thomas was the only doubting disciple and that all the other disciples were faithful. Thomas just wanted to be near Christ, no matter where He was. It was very challenging for me and hoped that it was something that would make Leeann think too.

Afterward, we went to Cotixan’s and grabbed food. I kind of ditched Leeann and just went around and talked to people. And before y’all say anything, keep in mind that Leeann and I are childhood friends. We’ve known each other since I was in second grade (and she was in first grade). I knew that she would be ok with it. Plus, it would enable her to meet people instead of just having her talk to me.

We came home that evening and we just began to talk. We talked about who she met and blah blah blah (don’t quite remember the details as well anymore haha)… she went off to go wash up and I resolved in my heart that I would start to ask her the question when she came back.

She came back out and we began to talk again and as we did, I said, “Hey Leeann, I know that I’m stepping on your toes when I say this but… do you think you’re Christian?” She looked at me, then with a half smile, shook her head. As we talked, she revealed to me that she had been expecting me to give her a talk for a few years now and had thought that I’d lay it down on Thursday night when I was talking about her cousin. Dude, did this make me feel bad! I told her that I’d been waiting for her to ask me about my faith! She apologized to me, saying, “I’m sooo sorry unnie. I should’ve asked you!” but I promptly told her, “No, Leeann… it’s not your fault. I should’ve talked to you. I’ve been commanded by God to do it.”

So we talked. I shared my testimony in detail and gave the longest gospel presentation that I’ve ever given. It was late at night and I had wanted to go to Saturday morning prayer but it didn’t matter– here was my precious friend’s soul, hungering to know more.

She told me as we talked that had I shared with her on Thursday night, she would’ve just acknowledged, “Oh yeah, that’s nice. Jesus died for my sins, God loves me, I’m a sinner. Yeah.” But after meeting people from Lighthouse, she said that she could see the genuine love and kindness that they had toward her even though they’ve never met her before. To that, she commented, “I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life.” It made her more attentive to the gospel because the people she met were obviously affected by it. The kind of interactions that she had was not of this world and she was shocked and pleasantly surprised by it.

I can’t say that she’s accepted the gospel yet. But she’s definitely seeking. She knows the gospel in its entirety now and knows how to get saved. She just has to churn through these thoughts.

On Saturday, as she was getting ready to fly back to the Bay Area, I swept my bookshelf and pulled out some books (e.g. Today’s Gospel, The Cross Centered Life, Don’t Waste Your Life) and gave ‘em to her. They’re small books, easy to read, but they were books that were so crucial for me after I got saved.

This huge, long entry, all to say that the Christian testimony is sometimes so much more important than we give thought to. The world is watching. And the world will be perplexed and puzzled over how such imperfect people can come together, regardless of social skills, race, or whatever, and enjoy true fellowship with each other.

I’m so thankful for the people who talked to Leeann and made her feel really welcome. She said that if there were a Lighthouse in Nor Cal, she would go (TEEHEHEHEE CHURCH PLANT!) because this is what she had been hungering for!

I hope that you’re just as encouraged as I was by all this. Haha sorry that the entry was really long-winded and disorganized… but even all this to God’s glory!

Trust

Meinolf’s preaching has been life-changing. I had some time to reflect on it last week and after hearing him preach, I felt as though I had to change a lot of the ways that I view certain things and had to learn to let other things go.

The theme of his entire ministry in the Czech Republic, from what I could gather, was trust. Or “twust,” as he said with his German accent. (Grace and I giggled every time he said it– it was so precious!) Trust that God would pull them through, even though they didn’t know any Czech (one of the hardest languages to learn in the world!), even though they had been Christian for only 6 years (it seemed like an “only” thing to me!), had children… they still trusted that the Lord would see them through. And He has.

I don’t know if it’s the sermons or the precious way that Meinolf said “trust,” but I kept on thinking of that word for this entire week. For those who don’t know, I have to stay in San Diego for an extra year because I didn’t plan ahead very well and missed medical microbiology, a class that is offered only once a year and a class that I absolutely need for my major. When I first found this out, my stomach turned into knots and I thought of all the possible options that I had. I could change my major to general bio or something but then I thought about it and realized that I wanted a degree in microbiology. I could wait for it to come around again. Or I could try to get into the class (during week 3? 4? whenever it was… haha it wasn’t probable). In the end, I calmed down and thought about how staying in San Diego for an extra year could be a benefit. It would give me time to TA for some classes. It would allow me to get a lab job. It would allow me to do multiple 199s (if the lab job thing doesn’t work out). And I would finally be able to serve in nursery. (When it comes to ministry with children, I don’t want to get involved unless if I know that I can commit for at least a couple of years.)

God was giving me a clear “no” to my question of whether I should move back home or stay in San Diego after graduation. Well, He delayed graduation for me. Hahaha.

But then with the whole LBCSJ church plant dealio going on, it kind of threw a wrench into the system ’cause I want so much to be a part of that but I didn’t know if it was what God was calling me to. If I do decide to be a part of the church plant, then I would have to look for grad school in the Bay Area (if I go to grad school?). And if I do go to grad school, would I be pursuing a Ph.D.? If so, then what university? With my grades, I knew that I couldn’t get into the prestigious universities that are in the Bay. But if I stay in San Diego, I could possibly work at lab by networking through some professors that I am starting to get to know…

Career-wise, it might be a better idea for me to stay in San Diego. But I want to be a part of the church plant (and I want to be home with the family). If God does call me to go back home, then, I realized, I will just have to trust that He will provide. He may not be calling me to pursue a Ph.D. or to even go to grad school at all. Trust. Trust that He knows what’s best and that I don’t have to try to wrest control away from Him and go into panic mode, gripping the steering wheel and screaming, “God, where do I go now?! God? Hello?! Tell me where I’m supposed to go!”

And if I do stay in San Diego, I can’t even guarantee that I’ll be able to get into UCSD for grad school. Seriously, when I say how shabby my grades are, I’m not being modest. I just am bad at this whole school thing. I enjoy learning and all that stuff but test taking is always fail for me (not that I fail my exams, per se).

Even with finals rolling around, my two science classes having finals on Tuesday, one right after the other, it’s easy to get into panic mode and to wonder to myself, “This week is so busy already– how am I going to find time to study?” Trust. Trust that God will give me the strength, that He will supply all that I need.

Trust.

What I miss about TMEFC

I miss a lot of things about Tokyo. I miss the JR trains that I took everyday, the onigiri that I bought at the convenience stores (okaka and tuna mayo ftw), being able to get around perfectly fine without a car…

But one of the biggest things that I miss about Tokyo is Tokyo Musashino Evangelical Free Church. Everyone there was just so geniunely nice, caring, loving, and welcoming. The preaching was solid and it was a church that (from what I could tell) was like-minded. If anyone studies abroad in Tokyo, I will point them to this church! Haha.

What surprised me my first Sunday there (a pleasant surprise) was when they had a time of prayer. People share prayer requests and praise reports and it’s a sweet time of sharing each others’ burdens and rejoicing with others. It was also kind of a quick way to get to know people because they weren’t just all these people I didn’t know but these real people with real problems. Haha get what I mean?

I really came to cherish those times at TMEFC. It made me wish that LBC would do something similar because I had never experienced corporate prayer on a weekly basis like that.

Well. This morning, some of us went to church at 10 o’clock to pray for JR & Kathy. It was a sweet time of prayer, being able to lift up a beloved brother and sister in their time of need and suffering and seeing how there were people willing to come along side them and to help in what way they could was such an encouragement. Pastor John then announced that he wanted to do corporate prayer on a weekly basis, Saturdays at 7-8 AM. It made me think of TMEFC and made my heart very happy.

Ok, that’s all. Hahaha. I don’t know how to end this entry. But I am very tired, I smell like disinfectant (from cleaning ministry) and I haven’t showered yet. Good night!

NVT

I’ve been a part of NVT (New Visitors Team) ever since my last few weeks as a freshman. I joined only because I wanted to serve in a ministry after being a member for a couple of months and Grace Mao asked if I were interested. I don’t think that I was interested in the actual ministry as much as wanting to actually serve in the church. I was excited about greeting at the door and getting to meet all the people that I didn’t know. I joined without knowing too much the weight and responsibility that comes with being on NVT.

One of the most difficult parts of NVT was being friendly but not candy-coated, nice but not fake, caring but not nosy. It was difficult to care about people that I met for the first time and for people who were visiting the church, possibily looking for a place to call their home church. Over time, I eventually learned how to talk to people for the first time and how to make someone feel welcome. I became acutely aware of new visitors and made it a habit to hunt them down after service to talk to them. And if a new visitor were sitting all by him/herself? Unacceptable. I would go up to them and talk to them, then introduce them to a friend of mine and let them strike up a conversation while I went about cleaning up name tags and the NVT box (hahaha remember this?).

But in my time while serving on NVT, I came to notice the people who were regular attenders or even members, sitting by themselves after the service. These were the people who were shy, the people who didn’t know how to make small talk and were awkward. They were people who were really hard to talk to and made other people feel uncomfortable or awkward. And since these people weren’t new, they were being ignored. They faded well into the plain off-white wall and in a sense, became invisible.

It made me wonder why everyone was so busy talking to their friends but not reaching out to those who were a part of the body. It made me wonder how we could say that we were a church that loved God and people if there were people even within the church who were being ignored. It made me wonder why I didn’t reach out to these people even though I saw them as I walked hurriedly past them in wobbly heels and with the black NVT box, feeling too busy to talk to them.

I realized that perhaps everyone felt that way too. Too busy doing this, too busy talking to someone about something important– granted, these are all legitimate reasons but in the end, it was a huge rebuke to me. I was always so busy bustling around after service ended to clean things up quickly (so that E wouldn’t lock the door before I could get stuff into his “office”!) at the expense of extending love and concern to someone who could be lonely, who could be hurting.

One Sunday, after being completely aware of my deliberate ignoring of these kinds of people and feeling convicted to extend love to them, I put the NVT box down and began talking to them.

NVT has taught me a lot of things but if anything, it’s taught me to love the body. NVT is this strange meeting point between outreach and inreach and though it really does deal with new visitors to the church, it’s taught me about the members of the church. God has taught me to have a keener eye for the lonely.

This is something that I’ve been thinking about lately, especially with this year’s theme at Lighthouse, “For the Love of Christ.” In the end, I realized how much I love only when its convenient and only when my investing love results in being loved back. It’s really interesting how God’s been teaching me these things ever since I was a freshman and the lesson, which began with hints here and there, has finally gotten to a high, yelling volume, a lesson that I am learning weekly, to love as Christ loved us, to love with a reckless love, expecting nothing in return.

It’s definitely difficult, especially with people who are awkward or whom I don’t “click” with. But I can conclude that, bearing in mind the love of Christ, it’s a happy kind of difficult.

Adding to the hub bub

Is “hub bub” one word or two?

Anyway, ever since the members’ meeting this Sunday, everyone’s been updating their wordpresses, bloggers, xangas, what have yous, about the fact that LBC San Diego is planning to plant a church in San Jose! I actually heard about this from Tia over the break and was really excited for the announcement. When Pastor John mentioned during his sermon on Sunday morning that the members’ meeting could be potentially life changing, I immediately knew what it was about. (Grace Mao knew about it too so I’m sure that there had been some hub bub on the dl!)

It was crazy seeing the enthusiasm that everyone had when the news was finally officially announced. It was also crazy when Pastor John said that he and his family would personally go up to start the church plant.

Gotta start praying about it, whether or not I want to take part in this! A part of me is hesitant because I wonder if I can be super commited but the other part is yelling, “Why not? Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?”

We’ll see! It’s awesome how God’s keeping me in San Diego for another year to wait for medicial microbiology (it got moved to winter quarter when it had been offered in spring quarter years before -_-). Kind of on a tangent, but because of the wait, I can easily complete my lit/writing minor and pick up another minor which I think I’m going to do in Japanese studies! Or if that doesn’t go through, then I may consider taking classes to perhaps get a Masters degree in writing… hahaha we’ll see. 8D

But yes. I had been planning to move back home after I finish my schooling in San Diego, especially because of the economic crisis and the fact that my parents fully support me finacially (it’s only been until recently that I’ve been receiving financial aid… about time -_-;; ). And also ’cause my mom misses me a lot and has been hinting for the past couple of years that I should come back home.

Anyway, that’s that! Just thought that I’d throw that out there! I have a midterm tomorrow so I need to go back to studying for that. Bye.

It is now January 2nd

Most posts about the new year and resolutions and stuff are posted either on December 31 or January 1. I don’t like riding bandwagons ’cause they tend to be crowded and everyone on it assumes a strange, scary kind of anonymity. (I’ve always liked being different– my favorite color as a 5 year old was brown ’cause I wanted to be unique. But I digress.)

As a result, I always avoid cliche posts such as, well, reflecting on the old year and setting resolutions for the new. Unless if it’s in my journal. But that’s an entirely different kind of dealio.

But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like I’ve been so… opaque. I haven’t been updating this thing because I haven’t been wanting to be transparent. My pride didn’t let me. But with every day that went by, the more I realized, once again, how silly of a thing pride is.

And so here’s a post. Reflections on 2008.

2008 has been one of the more difficult years in my life. It started off really roughly with a number of things that happened but it did end on a sweet note. I could go on and on about the different events that happened. But I won’t. What I’m more interested in talking about is how those events have been used by God to teach me things.

All in all, 2008 has been a year of distractions. I’ve been distracted in so many ways than I thought was possible. But in the end, the most dire distrction was that of being distracted from was the Cross. There have been many times of doubt and just a lot of difficulty in keeping my life Christ-centered. There were so many circumstances that contributed to it and I’ve come so close to calling it quits. Why put up with religion when it hurts so much to think about it? When it points to just how short I fall? Why put up with it when it just frustrates me and brings me to tears? Why put up with it when thinking about it really feels like it’s driving me to insanity?

But God has been, and still is, so good. In those times, He always reminded me of what I have already been saved from. He reminded me of when I first tasted His precious grace and the transformation that happened in my life afterward. So many times, God has reminded me of basic, elementary truths that I had been drowning out with my own panicked voice.

Even now, it’s difficult. I took a beating in 2008 and you know what? Most of the time, it doesn’t even feel like I put up a good fight. I kept on blaming it on circumstances, knowing full well how it’s not the circumstances that should dictate the joy that I feel but the single truth that God, out of His own will, love, and grace, sent His Son into this world of sin, having Him condescend into the likeness of men, so that He could die upon a tree so that many would be saved. This should’ve been what kept me going. But, as hard as it is to admit, it often wasn’t.

It’s scary how I look back and see just how much I love this world and how tight of a grasp I have on the things of it. The things that I thought that I’d let go are still in my hands.

It’s not to say that 2008 didn’t have its blessing. It was through all of these difficult times that I had always been reminded in my times of despair that it’s already been paid for. Jesus’ death was sufficient and always will be. There was no reason for this nagging guilt. Over and over again, God has shown me that I will fall short but that I had already heard and received the Good News. This was the only thing to have hope in. And so, I clung to it, knowing that it was truth.

Looking purely at my circumstances, 2008 hasn’t been the best year of my life. But at the same time, it’s been such a blessed year. God began to teach me things that I know I will continue learning for the rest of my life.

So, 2009, here’s to a year that will certainly be filled with more blessings!

Wow o_o

I haven’t been on this baby in too long. The entire dashboard format changed. And now there’s this “QuickPress” thing that I’m updating from. Wowowowowow.

Unexpected surprise

A couple of my friends are making a J-drama like video for their final project for the core class that everyone in the EAP program is required to take. There’s a ramen shop scene so we went to the local ramen shop to shoot it. I’m the only one who can speak Japanese in the group, so I asked the owner if we could shoot in there and he said ok. We all ate dinner there, to express our gratitude.

While we were sitting there, I noticed that the owner was wearing a cross necklace. In Japan, it’s common to see people wearing crosses for fashion. I didn’t think too much about it until I saw a small porclein figure with Psalm 23 written on it.

I promptly asked the owner, “Ano… Christian desu ka?”

And he responded very matter-of-factly, “Ee, Christian desu yo.”

I told him that me and my other friend there were Christians but that none of my other friends there were Christian. He immediately said, “I have Bibles in English and Japanese. Can you ask if they want one?” So I did and they declined the offer, but I asked, “Is it ok for me to see one?” and he pulled one out of a huge box that he had. I guess that he hands them out to customers! So I was looking at it and he said, “You can have it.”

We had a short conversation about Christians in Japan. He gave the famous statistic that in all of Japan, only 1% are Christians. I told him that it’s rare for me to run into a Christian here but that at school, there were a lot. He then asked if he could play a couple of praise songs for us. So he whipped out his guitar and sang one song which I didn’t recognize but my friend did, then he played “What A Friend We Have in Jesus.”

He was telling me how there was an event for Christians (I forget what it was called @_@) and he was able to play a few songs and give a short message. When I commented, “Ee! Sugoi!” (Wow!) he said, “No, no… it’s God who’s great. I’m so small.” And when I told him that I went to ICU (a school that a lot of people know here… I guess it’s well-known?), he said, “Hallelujah!”

It was a very unexpected encounter with a Christian outside the context of church and school. Definitely going to hit up that ramen shop more often. The miso ramen was so good. All I could think about while I was talking to the ramen shop owner was being able to talk to him in Heaven! Imagine all the practice that I’ll get in Japanese then! Hahaha.

If anything, that totally made my day. Thank You, God.